Avoiding Being in Pictures and Videos
Like many women, I never liked having my picture taken, let alone being on video. I would make sure any pictures that were shared met my approval first and when I selected photographs of my family for our Christmas cards, I would pick first based on how I looked instead of how the picture made me feel. That’s the problem with being a perfectionist. You are so consumed with being judged that you become singularly focused on controlling everything around you, including how you look. Combined with the feeling of not being good enough, I avoided having my picture taken and there are long stretches of years when I’m not even in any. Since I’ve become more in touch with myself, I find that I’m not picky about my pictures anymore. If someone posts one of me that isn’t flattering, I feel fine knowing it’s just a split second capture of my physical existence and nothing more. I know who I am. I know my worth and I know I am a beautiful.
I’ve been wanting to shoot a video of myself talking about what I do because I believe my power is in my voice. But I’ve been avoiding it, coming up with excuses even though my gut told me it was time. I recognized this fear and after avoiding it for weeks, I decided to force myself to do it. I have a makeup workshop coming up and I asked my makeup artist LiSun Goh to let me interview her on tape. She didn’t like the idea but we scheduled the date a month ago. While I originally planned to just put her on camera, I decided to change the format and filmed myself together with LiSun. I was a bit scared to look at the footage but I eventually did and you know what? I felt fine. I didn’t cringe or was critical of myself. I noticed some weird faces that I made and some awkwardness but only noticed and didn’t judge myself. That was the difference between then and now—noticing, without judging.
We are so critical of ourselves. We judge ourselves so severely. We hold ourselves to impossible standards and when we fall short, we fall into the cycle of negative thinking that just reinforces our false beliefs that we are not enough. We are all enough. Just by our very existence we are enough. It is liberating to know that and I hope you will come to realize it too.