I saw my last client in my studio this past Sunday… a woman who is now my friend and is turning 70 and ready for the next chapter of her life. She wanted a Transformative Portrait experience because she wanted more personal growth and to finally stop being afraid of showing herself, of showing her most vulnerable parts to the world and to be fully seen without fear of judgment. Her journey has been so inspiring to witness. She told me that everyone keeps asking her when she’ll retire but she thinks that’s ridiculous and is working on pursuing a new career that is aligned with who she really is. I turned 48 last weekend. Having her in my life has given me a lot of perspective on aging and new beginnings.

I’ve been spending the past week dismantling my studio and returning it to what it was when I signed the lease 2 years ago. My kids are home for mid-winter break so I’ve been taking them with me for a few hours stretches which they’ve happily done because I’ve lifted their one-hour screen time limit. While I’m working on getting my current space back to its original state, I’ll be getting the keys to my new space tomorrow.  As mentioned in a previous newsletter issue, while I had planned to make a huge leap into a much larger space, the timing didn’t work so here I am making a small leap into a space that is about the size I have now but with one big open layout with a balcony and southern light (and a full length window/door which I’ve always wanted).

A friend of mine congratulated me recently and remarked on how scared I was when I first opened the studio that I wouldn’t be able to afford it. Two years in, I have to say the fear hasn’t really gone away. I have good months and bad, and times when the fear feels huge and times when I feel like I can do anything. But throughout it all, I have never doubted that this is my purpose right now, it is my calling and it feels bigger than any fear or self-doubt I may have at any given moment.

Owning a business so close to your heart is scary. It means putting your heart and soul out there for all to see. It means being willing to accept its unpredictable nature and embracing the unknown. It means surrendering to the calling that forced me to finally face myself and realize that I have value and that I am enough. I don’t think it will ever not be scary and I wonder if I’d want it not to be. Because being comfortable means you’re not growing and surrendering to the unknown means I have to keep trusting in myself, in the universe and believe that things will all make sense in the end. So I am feeling a little melancholy and excited for the change and what’s to come. Above all, I am grateful to this space and the ability it’s given me to help create space in others.

Thank you to all the women who have entered this sacred space, infused it with your raw authenticity and created an energy that everyone can feel the minute they step inside. And if you haven’t been to the studio, I invite you to come work with me to reconnect to who you are and learn to see that you are valuable and that you are enough so that you can finally feel the freedom to be yourself and create some space in you

This is from a personal journal writing shared in the newsletter and typically not shared on the blog. To read these, subscribe to the “I Matter” newsletter below.