Choose Yourself Over Your Fear

I was interviewed for a news segment on Kiro 7 for the Asian Art Museum grand reopening. When reporter Siemny Kim approached me to be on tv, I felt a rush of heat and felt my heart pound with fear but I said yes. I’ve always been afraid of being in front of a camera, especially in front of video and the thought of it brought up a lot of stuff for me. I grew up and spent most of my life hiding who I was and being afraid of my voice because I never believed I had any value. But when I decided to go on the journey of looking inward, I recognized that we all have inherent worth and chose to believe differently, seeing my value and desiring to be seen and heard. But those old feelings and thoughts I had spent a lifetime cultivating by being afraid haven’t just gone away. They come up again and again and each time, I have to go against them and choose to do the things that scare me and trust in my worth.⁣
⁣
Last night, my son told me that he feels like a failure a lot. He is bright, excels at school, socially and at sports so it felt heavy for me to hear him say that. I told him that when I did that interview, I was really scared and he was shocked. But you looked so confident and had a lot to say, he exclaimed. I explained to him that most of us struggle with being afraid and worry about failing and feeling like we’re not good enough, even the people who are at the top of their game. That this is the human condition and everyone is just trying their best while hiding their feelings and trying to look like everything is fine. We don’t talk enough about what it’s really like to be the flawed, failing humans we all are so that when we have those feelings, it makes us feel like there is something wrong with us and the associated shame helps perpetuate this cycle of belief. But this condition, the imperfection, the not good enoughness is who we ALL are and once we accept that, we realize how much beauty and complexity there is in all of it. ⁣
⁣
Thank you Siemny Kim for picking me out of the crowd. It probably didn’t seem like it but it was a big deal to me and gave me the opportunity to choose my value over fear.

You can view the news segment here.