Did you have a mental list growing up of all the things you thought would make you happy? Mine was like a list with checkboxes that I worked through with the goal of meeting a timeline by certain ages. Grad degree. Check. Marriage. Check. Prestigious job. Check. House. Check. Kids spaced just right… this is where I ran into trouble and everything pretty much blew up in my face.

I fought for a decade through darkness before my first son came home through adoption. Then fought some more for my second but he had so many painful lessons in store for me that would take me all the way back to childhood. All along, I refused to accept what was and tried to take control. All that did was bring me to the darkest corners of my being until I had no choice but to surrender, accept what is and move in a different direction. ⠀

That direction wasn’t about what I could do to change the circumstances of my life but what I could do with what was inside of me. It was about focusing on releasing all that I had been carrying from a lifetime of shame and trauma to return to my essential being. While what I do now with life is important and something I’m proud of, I always remind myself that it is the being that counts…the being that holds steadfast in the strongest of winds and uncontrollable life circumstances. Everything outside of us is temporary and at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what we do as much as loving and being with ourselves as who we are. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀


Photo by Amy Treasure on Unsplash